Dealing with Imposter Syndrome…….
So, it has been a while since I have posted my last blog post. When I had originally posted my first one, we had recently moved from Los Angeles to Atlanta. I did update it earlier this year to fix some errors… but since then, there have been nothing but crickets here. We once again, moved to another state, but this move feels like a good move. We are much closer to certain necessities in our lives and things have been more smooth in some areas.
But since the move, I kind of removed myself from my passion. See, when you move to a new area, trying to establish yourself in a new market is extremely difficult. You’re trying to network in some form or fashion and build a clientele and sometimes that involves you changing things up a bit. However, me being the person I am, and knowing there is a lack of what I offer in this market, I decided against change.
However, as a result, I have developed imposter syndrome. For those who do not know what imposter syndrome is, it is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. I have developed this fear that once I start building up clients, or working more consistent in this area, that no one would be happy with the work I actually produce for them.
I have been looking at my previous work and have been consistently unhappy with my edits, even though I do have people telling me “you have a great eye”. I recently discovered a much quicker form of editing of my older images to be more consistent in tone, and honestly, it is the first time I feel like I have truly discovered my style that fits me and not trying to mimic someone else and….. I love it …. and I can not wait to share all this with everyone!
But even with that positivity emerging, I am still feeling doubt in my talents.
I am learning to try and over come this. I am starting to acknowledge why I am feeling this way and stop ignoring those emotions, validate that it is ok, learning to let the feelings that are not based on reality go. I need to let go of perfectionism because there will always be something new I learn and I will always be evolving in my skills and style. I need to start learning to celebrate my successes, like booking clients. A story I should share more often is that, about a month after graduating from UCLA (which was June 2019) I sent my portfolio and resume off to some clothing companies in Los Angeles. One, a very big company that everyone knows of. After a month, I never heard from any of the places, and just due to what was going on in the world (hello, pandemic) I wasn’t expecting to hear back anything and that was also when we decided to move back east, to back close to family. I kid not, two weeks after we moved, I received a job offer from one of the BIGGEST clothing companies (cough, Forever21, cough), to be on their photographer team, which of course I had to decline. So, now I try to remind myself, that I am good enough and while that was not a complete victory, it is still a success story, to know that I was good enough for them, which means I am good enough, period.
This won’t be something that will resolve overnight, and will take time, just like all forms of healing does, but if I continue building myself up, keep myself going, and just keep moving forward, things will come together and things will happen.
Thank you for taking the time to go on this journey with me of my virtual therapy session lol.
